


Please Don't.

by AgentTaro



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Phil Coulson Needs a Hug, Philinda - Freeform, Wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:35:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26935972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentTaro/pseuds/AgentTaro
Summary: Phil Coulson is May's Man of Honour for her wedding.[haven't proof-read through this, expect many errors lmao.]
Relationships: Andrew Garner/Melinda May, Phil Coulson & Melinda May, Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

Coulson ambled his way to May's front door, with a confidential vanilla envelope, tucked under his arm. He knocked in which he heard May call out that the door was already open. His heard shook playfully as he entered, 'You know, you shouldn't really leave your door unlocked. I could've been a real bad guy knocking at your door.'  
'If you were a real bad guy, you wouldn't have knocked. Plus, I could take them down any day.' May smiled as she poured the coffee into his mug that was already set in front of him. Coulson chuckled at her response. 'Thanks. That wasn't my point though but yeah, don't doubt that. You had knocked Andrew down when he tried to sneak up on you, and Andrew is like what? Ten feet?'

May smiled. It was the norm for them for many mornings. Coulson walks in, they have a small chat, drink coffee and then debrief on their joint mission. Usually, Andrew would be there too, in the kitchen, already pouring Coulson a cup of coffee. But, he wasn't there. Couldon thought that maybe he was just upstairs, getting ready. He knew he wasn't sleeping. Andrew was an early person like May. But, Coulson can't hear any movement upstairs. No footsteps, no shower running, nothing.   
'Where's Andrew? Normally, he's the one who hands me the coffee. Didn't think that you'd be anywhere near coffee.' Coulson joked.  
She huffed, 'I'm not that sensitive to coffee, it just leaves you with bad breath. And Andrew was on call this morning, someone booked an appointment at short notice. Why, you miss him?' She nudged at his side, admiring his concern for her fiance. The small banter between them was something they've always appreciated. Throughout their many missions together, they both enjoyed the fact that they're not tired of each other after spending days, weeks and years as partners. Comfortable to spend many more years together. Again, he shook his head.  
'Thought you kicked him out or something. That call you made this morning, talking about how you have something important to tell me when I arrive by, made me think so. So, do you want to talk about it now, or after we work through this?' He asked, waving the vanilla folder before setting it on the counter.  
'It can wait 'til later. The quicker we go through this though, the sooner I get to tell you.' May sounded somewhat excited, and eager to talk to Coulson, friend to friend. Coulson was curious, really intrigued at her comment. So he opened the folder, and they got to work.

It's been four hours. Coulson's sleeves were folded up to his elbows, tie and top button undone. May took off her blazer, laptop imprinted onto her lap. They had to go through many calls, give precise orders, sign reports. It was tiring. No matter how many years they've worked for SHIELD, doing paperwork and conference calls were always their kryponite. Coulson's brows were creased and May's jaw was clenched, both frustrated after receiving a call that their mission couldn't go forward with the approach they planned for. He sighed, rubbing his face from the stress. 'Want to finished up for today?' He urged, 'This folder isn't due 'til next week, I can pull something else up to work on instead of this.' May could see the stress and tension in her partner, saddened at how his great idea for the mission was just cast aside by the department head.  
'Let's just stop for today, take the rest of the day off. It's not that urgent of a case anyway, and the other cases don't have to be done by us. There's more than the two of us on this mission, Phil. The other guys can handle it.'  
The corners of Phil's lips began to rise, for two reasons. One, they don't need finish of the report, he can just send it to the other agents in the project; two, Melinda said Phil instead of Coulson. He really liked the way she says his name each time she called to him. It wasn't Agent Coulson and May, it was just Phil and Melinda in room. As friends, not agents. Phil sat up and leaned back onto the back of the couch, back cracking in the process. May smirked.  
'Old man.' She teased.  
'Well excuse me, not everyone is a vampire like you, Melinda.' He retorted, 'You age like wine.'  
'Like fine wine.' She corrected, standing up to walk to the kitchen.  
'No, I don't think so.' Phil called, 'You're becoming more bitter and mean as you age, definitely not 'fine'.'

Melinda glared at Phil but couldn't resist the smile creeping on her face as they looked at each other. Phil was lying to himself. As he looked at his best friend, he cannot help but think about how wonderful she was. He tried to wrap his head around the fact of how lucky he was to meet someone like Melinda - someone who tolerated his Captain America obsession, his rambles of retro cars and the dorky jokes that he made. Truly, his best friend. But he can't be anything more than that. He laid back onto the couch and rested his arm above his eyes. Phil let his thoughts wonder. The first time he met Melinda in Sausalito, when he was totally enamoured by her beauty. He was tried his hardest not to be presumptuous, and give into her, as he fumbled with her bra 'as an act for the camera'. Melinda mentioned it over and over again, joking about his dexterity skills. Mentioned it once more on their mission in Russia, while retrieving an 0-8-4. He got caught up with some mean Russians, tied up and bagged in the van until she saved his helpless ass. Their drive back to the rendezvous was what Phil thought about the most. A subtle heart to heart, they shared. Melinda mentioned how she might stop dating Shrinks. And with that said, Phil made a suggestion: To share a drink of Haig and talk about them. She glanced over, understanding what his intentions were. He tried to play it off, telling Melinda to keep her eyes on the road. But it was no mistake that his heart was pounding against his chest, and the warmth in his cheeks began to rise. But it was dangerous. To be interested in an agent, especially his partner. The stakes of working in SHIELD made it harder to move forward with her. Because if they move forward with what's between them, and he then lose her, he wouldn't know what to do without her.

Phil never got the chance to do so anyway. Melinda really loved Andrew and they were getting married soon. A quiet, domestic wedding. One of the many things he wished for, in hopes that it was him instead of Andrew. It never stopped him though. His feelings for Melinda never faded, just ignored for the majority of time out of respect. However, there were times when he would see the both of them so happy together, the jealousy that built up in him, lead him to leave the room for a breather. Yet, he can't be angry. She was his best friend, and all he wants her to be, is happy and well. If Andrew could make her happier than what Phil believed he could, then that's all he ever wanted for Melinda. A proper life, an opportunity outside SHIELD. His thoughts were soon interrupted when Melinda kicked his leg, jolting him to sit up in surprise. She held a cup of coffee out for Phil, who gladly accepted.  
'We don't have any food in the fridge so I called up to order some pizza, you fine with that?'  
'Yeah, yeah. That's fine.' He replied.  
'Good because I ordered your favourite, and no one else eats olives on their pizzas.'  
'Olives are a good topping, you just have poor taste.' He paused and took a sip of his coffee before asking, 'But why my favourite?'  
'It's a special occasion.' Melinda said simply.  
He tried to think of the date, but nothing in particular came to mind. They didn't share any special anniversaries, there was no hopeful bottle of Haig. Nothing.  
'Special?'  
'Yeah, this morning I called. I had something to ask you.'  
'Oh yeah. Okay.'

Phil turned himself so he was facing Melinda, who was sat comfortably to his left. He wore his dorky smile, listening intently for what she has to ask for. Giving her his whole attention.  
'Phil,' she paused, drawing out the building suspense. He began to become more concerned, brows furrowed slightly. 'Will you be my Man of Honour?' The smile on both of their faces grew wider.  
'Wow, yeah. Of course!' He exclaimed as he sported an incredibly dorky grin, 'I'd love to be your Man of Honour.' Phil stood up, opening his arms to offer a hug in which she reciprocated. They leaned into each others' touch and warmth, Phil more so than Melinda. He pulled back only to joke, 'I'd thought you'd never ask.' As he pretends to wipe a tear from under his eye. She laughed into his chest as they hugged again. Phil wished he could stay like this, because secretly, over her shoulder, he hid a pained smile. The connotation of the wedding only made the conflicting feelings within him for his best friend more real. It's becoming more real that he never could never have that chance he yearned for with Melinda. Fortunately, the front door rang out for attention. It was the pizza delivery. Melinda began to move towards the door, but Phil had beat her to it. It was an attempt to get fresh air, to cool himself down when he got the pizza. As he got his wallet out from his pocket, Phil saw Andrew park in the driveway over the deliverer's shoulder. He gave Andrew a forced smile, as they both entered the living room.  
'Hey Phil, how are you today?' He smiled back, more genuine than Phil's.  
'I'm doing great, thanks. Melinda just asked me to be her Man of Honour, today. Still really happy for you guys.' He lied, digging into the pizza.  
Melinda and Andrew were smiling, seemingly unaware of Phil's actual feelings. Phil couldn't help it when it came to Melinda, though. He had to smile because if he didn't he'd be worried that he'll hurt her. It was all about keeping it professional. It didn't last long. After taking a bite of his second slice, he glanced over to see that Andrew and Melinda kissed. It was a short, loving kiss yet it was too much for him. He placed down the slice back in the box, and got up to leave.  
'Hey so, Hill just messaged me. I have to go.' Phil hoped his poor excuse what bought.  
'Oh, what about?' May asked, clinging close to Andrew.   
Without looking back, Coulson replied, 'It's classified.' He closed the door behind him, headed to his red convertible, and drove home with a cold frown.


	2. Chapter 2

It was supposed to be a happy day. Beautiful and joyous.

Phil sighed, as he walked himself into his bathroom to prepare himself for the day. He just wore casual clothes in that morning, his suit sat, buried in the garment bag that hung out of place in his wardrobe. Everything felt so empty. No matter how much he freshened up, no matter how much he doused himself in his aftershave, he felt so down. Phil tried to push away his sorrows, he didn't want to damper the mood on this special day. His best friend was getting married, he shouldn't feel this way. Clock struck to struck one o'clock in the afternoon, the wedding was at half five and driving to Pennsylvania was a smooth three hour drive. He spent most of his morning drowning in coffee as he couldn't get any sleep at night. The TV wasn't on, there was no radio blaring out the midday tunes. It was just him sat so small, on the couch in deafening silence. His mind full of white noise. Phil shook his head before dragging his feet to the front door. His hand gripped the door handle as he paused to look back at his apartment. Everything was still so bare, so cold. The decorative blue only made him colder in the summer's morning. A frown was painted on his face when he closed the door, walked up to his Lola and drove off.

Three quiet hours later, Phil arrived at the venue. So simple and rustic. The hall that was dressed with warm, golden lights that was swirled around the beams, soft cloths for the tables, complementary blue and white flowers that snuggled close. The flowers were suggestion as the Man of Honour. He smiled ever so slightly to see that something, he had done, felt right for this day. Phil wanted to admire the hall more but suit draped over his arm begged for him to get changed. He wondered to the back rooms, trying to find the bride's area. His suit was a tailored deep, royal blue that hugged his body, providing the warmth that he was so deprived from. Phil felt so ridiculous, so out of place. But he scolded himself for overthinking. 

After getting changed, he wondered out to find Melinda. He knocked on to bride's room and a cheerful Maria Hill answered the door. She him in, saying that Melinda was just getting her finishing touches. Her mother, Lian May, was there too. Phil just smiled and said nothing. Maria seemed to notice his lack of rambles and looked at him with concern. Without a word, she stood beside him and gave a quick hug. Masking it as a hug of excitement because Melinda was getting married. But they both know, that she knew. After being comforted, they had a quick chat, something to pass the time as they waited for Melinda. Five more minutes, and she called out to say that she was ready. She walked out and time around Phil seemed to have slowed down. He felt so struck at her beauty and contrast. How one of the strongest and most dangerous women he met, looked so delicate and angelic. He huffed so speechless.  
'Wow.' He simply said.  
''Wow'? Phil seriously, that all?' Maria teased, nudging his side. She walked over to Melinda to compliment her as they hugged.  
'Sorry, right. Yeah,' Phil fumbled on his words, 'You look amazing, Mel. Really beautiful.' His showed off his dorky smile.  
Melinda smiled, feeling uncharacteristically emotional.  
'You're a bit taller?' Phil questioned when he stood by her side and notice subtle difference.  
'Yeah, this is the only time I will allow wearing stilettos. After this, I'm changing into flats.' Melinda stated.  
'You would look tiny next Andrew,' he paused, 'I mean you still look tiny now.' He joked and they all laughed when she reached out to smack him playfully.  
In his eyes, though, she was a perfect for his arms. For all the times they hugged, he would always enjoy the way she perfectly fitted against. But then would stop himself before getting too hopeful, it would've wrong.  
'Right,' Maria announced, 'There's an hour to go, enough time for you to get your pre-pictures taken, while Phil and I go and round everyone up.'  
With that thought, Melinda faintly shuddered. Phil reassured her, gently holding her shoulders.  
'It'll be great, Mel. You and Andrew deserve each other and I couldn't be happier for the both of you. Okay?' His puppy-eyes showed through as he let out soft smile.  
'Thanks, Phil.' Melinda said gratefully. He kissed her cheek, and set off to go with Maria. Leaving Melinda with her mother.

It was nearing the time, and the drumming in his chest never felt so painful. Phil took a deep breath before preparing to walk, side to side with Maria, to the alter. Phil thought to himself: he shouldn't be the one with cold feet. He knows it's too late to back out now, he would have to watch the whole hour, suffering. There wasn't enough time to negotiate for something else as the music began to play. It was time. The guest turned around to see them walk down the aisle. What they can't see was past Phil's forced grin, pretending excitement, as in reality he masked a sunken face full of flaws. Maria rested her other hand on Phil's, rubbing her thumb across his knuckles. He silently thanked her. Phil nodded at Andrew, as he walked up to alter before standing at his position. Soon after, the music changed, and the bride entered. Time slowed again. He couldn't take his eyes off her, his eyes became glassy surprising him. Melinda walked onward, reaching up to the front. She smiled at him, he smiled back. A sad smile, as she kept walking to the alter to face Andrew, not him. Betrayal and sadness flushed him whole, there was no hope in himself for her. Phil watched his best friend, his love of his life get married to another man. 

After the exchange of vow, 'I Do's' and a share of kisses, the reception started. He spent most of that time, slouched in his seat, eating whatever was on his plate slowly. He refused to dance so much, with the exception of Maria when she offered. The music was slow perfect for couples and duos. Phil and Maria only swayed so gently. All the focus was mainly on the bride and groom, no one else really recognised the other people swaying around them. She looked at him and they whispered:  
'How you holding up?' She voice full of concern for her friend.  
There was no point lying to her. Their relationship was close, perhaps like siblings. No matter how many arguments and disagreements they've had, they take care of each other. They were so different yet so familiar to each other as if they've grown up together.  
'I'm getting through it.' He said simply.  
'You love her don't you.'  
Phil paused, he doesn't know what to say to that, but it was better not to lie, especially to a spy.  
'Yeah.' He looked dejected.  
'I'm sorry, Phil.'  
'There's nothing you can do about it anyway, it's fine.'  
'But you're not.'  
'I know.' They both said nothing more, the swayed more for a moment until the music changed. It was their cue to leave the dance floor and let the spotlight fall on Melinda and Andrew. It was their song. Everyone was looking at them dance, so perfectly in each other arms. Phil couldn't take anymore. He slipped away from Maria through the guests and led himself out the main doors, and drove home. Maria saw him leave, she pitied him and felt so sorry for him. She understood and let him leave instead of stopping him.  
After another music change, everyone was invited to dance. The music was upbeat, disco-worthy. Everyone was grooving, really energetic, as the LED lights spiralled around the hall. Melinda needed to take a quick water break. She looked around but she couldn't find Phil. Everyone else was still here but him. She frowned, making her way to Maria.  
'Where's Phil?' She asked loudly, as the music was blaring.  
'Fury called Coulson. He had a case.' Maria replied just as loud, covering for him.  
'But he said he wouldn't take on a task for today.' She looked at Maria suspiciously, 'Fury would've called for you, Deputy, not Coulson.'  
'I guess the task required him more than me.' She just shrugged. She saw how Melinda was saddened by his disappearance but Phil needed to heal, to take a break.  
'Don't worry, I'll take over the Man of Honour Speech.' She grinned, reassuring that Melinda still had a perfect day.

It was surprisingly chilly outside during the summer nights in Pennsylvania. Phil walked out and dashed into his car. He noticed that the music changed, something more bright, he heard cheers from the open windows. No one would be bothered that he left early. He had no excuse though, he just felt to urge to leave - he was too in love with his best friend to stay. The car was sent soaring through the roads. Hours later, he arrived at his apartment. The blazer was shrugged of his shoulder, and hung over the couch. He fell onto the cushions, and felt himself deflate.

Phil sat alone, downhearted and withdrawn in his cold, blue and empty apartment. No more chances left.


End file.
